It’s a cold December night…

Once again, it’s 3am.

Sitting on the living room sofa, I gaze out the window. I can see the mountains from where I sit. The moon lights up the sky and casts a silver glow on every leaf and petal it touches. Beautiful!

Wrapping the soft cream-colored throw around my shoulders, I sip on my hot tea and ponder this cold December night. I love seeing the twinkling string of lights from our neighbor’s rooftop, but then…

I look up and search.. One, two…the stars! They make me think of how vast the universe is, how great and how mighty our Creator is,  how full of love and grace He is…

A little flash back hits and it takes me back to my childhood. One of my favorite things to do was to sit on the balcony of our country home in the summer nights and just gaze at the stars. It was a very special time for me. There was no light pollution on the farm so every minute that passed, my eyes would adjust to the dark and more and more stars would appear. It was amazing. Counting shooting stars and contemplating life (I told you guys, I was an old soul), all the while crickets sang softly in the background. It didn’t matter how “heavy” life felt (and yes, there was plenty of “heaviness”…mine was not a carefree childhood), in those times and moments, I was so full of peace and wonder. I made it a game, even then, to try and count my blessings. And just like the stars in the sky, our blessings from Him are countless. Really, try and see…count them all. I bet you can’t 😉

Blessings. Of course.

Though my throat closes up and my eyes fill with tears, it’s my heart that’s crying. Thank You, thank You, Lord…

My thoughts turn to the  little addition that will be joining us in just a few days, already so loved by us all. Noah asks daily about the baby and chatters on how he’s going to be a big brother again! He comes up with hilarious names for the baby…like, if it’s a boy, his latest idea was “Little Ninja T” (of course, I abbreviated the “T” for Turtle…nice, huh?). Lol…Aurora showers my ever expanding tummy with kisses, but literally thinks my bellybutton is the baby, lol…Seriously, guys, she tried to shove her pacifier in there the other day! Lol!

🙂 These littles…soft, sweet, spunky and full of life…at times I still can’t believe they are mine! Lord, it’s amazing that you have entrusted me with these precious souls! Please help me be an example of love and strength to them. Help me to remember that they are watching me and learn so much more from what I model for them rather than what I try to teach them. Teach me and remind me to savor every moment that I have with them, for I know they won’t stay little for long and I know I’ll miss these times.

*Ahem*

Hi, my name is Cristina and I am a worrier.

I stress out about things that I can’t change and things I have absolutely no control over. And I tend to be much too affected by what is going on around me. Anxiety is a pretty big one for me..I’ve become more aware of it after I started having children.

“Is this the right thing to do? What if he gets hurt? Let me check on them one more time…NO! Don’t eat that!! I think she’s cold. No, we shouldn’t go, that trip will be more stress than fun. Didn’t I just clean that? Will my house ever be clean again!!??” And on it goes, but it’s something that I’m working on…(boy, that 9 step program sure is helping out… jk ;))

Baby is coming soon. Have I already said that? But I finally realize (or accept) that all the running around, the endless organizing that has consumed me for the past months and even more so in recent weeks… *Sigh* …I’m far from done. And by now, I’m sure I won’t finish before the baby comes. But you know what? On this night, anxiety will not fill me. My “list(s)” will go unchecked. And I won’t even use this time to fold the laundry that I only seem to catch up on at night…

It’s a cold December night. And here I sit as a child myself, in wonder, as I think of all the blessings that surround me… Oh yes, I have much to be thankful for. A new year is on the horizon. I have much to look forward to. Do I ever get overwhelmed? Many times. Do I have fears, doubts, insecurities? Yes… “But I know who holds the future and I know who holds my hand…” So it’s all good. 🙂 A thankful heart and peaceful soul will I ponder this evening…

Xo xo